So, I just watched the season wrap up of “Love and Hip Hop” and as I’m watching these women of color fuss and yell at each other…at the end…unlike other shows, I saw some effort to respect one another. Perhaps there is a semblance of Black Feminism there. Interesting.
What I also viewed was a man who “belongs” to two different and important women in his life. One, his mother, who he gives all the glory and respect to and she takes every bit of it too. She’s afraid of losing “her man” “her boy” “her son”, probably the only man who’s really been there, consistently, throughout her/his life. It’s a love affair without crossing over.
And then there is his girlfriend, not fiance or wife, but still, after 7 years, his girlfriend, who he loves as well. His girlfriend has been fighting the good fight for him AND her because he won’t, and he probably feels like he can’t. Like he said, [all he can do is hope and pray for the best and smoke his w–d].
Now, here’s the stimulation…
Both women are good women but both women are showing signs of what it is like – the hurt, pain, anger, and abandonment – that strong, black women, mothers, lovers, fiances, wives, yes, even girlfriends have to endure. They turn their sons into their husbands, confidants, therefore, the black man is not allowed and sometimes not ready to be THE MAN for another. The man shows the signs of turmoil that exists in the brothers of today.
So, if I were there, I would offer this sip of contemplation and say this:
For the young man, boy, brother, son, boyfriend…no offense…but “MAN UP” and take a stand, a forceful one at that! While I can appreciate your considerations, don’t be afraid of disrespecting either one of the women that you love when you “MAN UP!” You can do this without disrespecting either. I believe this is what these women and many women like them desire. This is what they want you to do! If you say, Mom, I love you and nothing’s ever going to change that but I must MAN UP and say, I GOT THIS! And if she TRULY wants you to be happy, she will back off and down to the point of at least getting along with your girl and the Man that emerges. Now, understand that she can’t back down all the way because that is not who she is,,,but you can tell her, teach her to respect you as a man, her male son and respect your “future wife” if you do with love! Your mother WILL respect your standing up for what is right FOR YOU – even if she doesn’t like it.
Your girl?!!! She will love it and love YOU even more because you are being the man that she knows you to be, sees you to be, wants you to be…the MAN she sleeps peacefully with at night, every night because you have her back! That’s the man she wants. Stop making her fight all of these battles by herself.
Black men are afraid of respecting and disrespecting, simultaneously, black women…we are all confused at times…but the bottom line, if black men were allowed to be the kind, gentle, and strong masculine men they were born to be INSIDE the home, things would be so much easier for everyone. Being MEN outside of the home is another situation but that’s for another blog entry and another time.
A word of concern, my brothers — while you’re working on your masculinity, making your way to a new and healthy MANHOOD, please put effort into not hating on your black sistahs who held you up, are holding you up while you are on this journey.
Peace
